I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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