Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
