I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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