I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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