I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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