they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
