wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I love having hate sex.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
