3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
