normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
