im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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