R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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