id be glad to
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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