if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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