last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
