Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
