There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
