My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
