Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
