My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
