theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
