I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
