My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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