WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
