mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
