I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
