DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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