every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
