if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
