I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
