FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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