I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
