there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
