At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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