You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need water and some morals
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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