you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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