you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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