HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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