Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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