does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
