I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
