I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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