you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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