I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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