If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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