So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
