I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
