its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
