id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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