It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
