you would pick up someone in the library
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
